No I’m not talking about the fucking weather. I thought I would switch it up today, and talk a bit about being a dad. It’s exciting isn’t it?!! Fucking unbearable is what it is sometimes!
Ever walk in the house and it looks like the picture above after a long day at work? Ok maybe not that bad but how bout like this?
Well maybe not that bad either, but close enough. Usually in my house the mess from last nights dinner is left behind and the wife or I will tackle it after we get home from work the next day. Most of the time, after I clean up, I will normally have a shower and come back to a fucking disaster again. Every kid wants a snack! WHAT THE FUCK!! How does a simple peanut butter and fucking jelly sandwich turn into, what looks like a suicide bomber exploded in my kitchen. Seriously!! How does jam get on the walls?!
Some days I think the kids deserve a good old fashion beat down! Jesus Christ, how many times do you have to repeat yourself, before it sinks in? I know I remembered to put that knife covered in peanut butter and jam in the sink when I was done or I was getting a wooden spoon over the head. I remembered to put those caps back on the jars and back in the cupboard or I was getting a broom across the ass. You didn’t dare to forget to close the bag of bread so it didn’t get stale or that was the belt where ever it landed.
Ever watch your kid drop something? I’m not talking about an Ipad or there phone cause they will actually pick that shit back up. I mean a napkin or utensil. HOLY FUCK!! This is where I want to club them over the head with a frying pan. It’s a fucking daily thing where I’m constantly pickin shit off the ground. Just yesterday, ice cream was spilt on the floor and I said “good one”……we laughed. 10 minutes later I wasn’t laughing anymore, cause the ice cream was still there. I yelled and it was cleaned. I don’t want to yell anymore. Isn’t it everyone’s natural reaction to clean up immediately after spilling something? Anyone want to buy a kid?
How bout them shoes, socks and underwear on the stairs?! Empty fucking hamper, empty shoe rack, empty dressers and empty closets……………………….WHY? Because shoes and clothes don’t make it to there actual destination in this house. THERE ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!
This is my favourite one…………………you ready for this? USING THE WALLS AS A MOTHER FUCKING TISSUE!!
Nothing like watching your kid knuckle deep trying to pull out that gem and displaying it on the wall like he created a Picaso or something. These are some real proud moments for us parents.
Don’t worry I have lots of great parenting moments to write about. Just not happening today!
Stay safe fuckers!
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