Take your pick Asshole! It doesn’t really matter which fucking door you open! Your gonna open all of them to find the cleanest, if there’s such a thing.  It’s a never ending battle if your one of the workers who doesn’t piss all over the seat, and shits all over the walls. Like really guys!! How do you get shit on the seat, or on the wall, or even on the ceiling?!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!! I know every time I run for that toilet I have some clean up to do, if I’m doing number 2. I can handle cleaning piss, but I can’t handle cleaning someone else’s shit. I’m holdin it or going to the closest coffee shop.

Your actually a spoiled son of a bitch, if you have as many Johnny’s as the picture above. Most of the time there’s about 1 for every 20 or 30 men. Like I said, that’s if your lucky. You ever seen what a potty looks like after a day of 20 men shitting and pissing in it, all day. Well it’s only Thursday, but don’t worry crack head! It will be cleaned next Wednesday!

A port-o potty is actually a privilege to some. Some of you pour bastards have been around long enough where you have had to find a bush or bucket and a private corner to drop a log. I’ve seen some of you dirty whores crawl into the back of a dump truck, full of hot asphalt, and drop a deuce. If that’s not your cup of tea, find a Timmies or another job, donkey dick.

Ever sit on the potty and realise your out of toilet paper?!……………………. After you’ve already dropped the kids off at the pool?!!

I don’t know about you, but I’m wiping one way or another. I know this happens to me after the messiest shit ever to. You know the one! Like it was a Taco Bell or chicken wing and draught beer kinda night.

I know some of you dirty fucks don’t care! You will just pull your pants up, and carry on with your day…….Your wife must love you!!  We know who you are though. Your the guy walking around site, like you had a carrot shoved up your ass!!

Here’s what I’ve done in this situation . First of all lets hope your a George Castanza fan, if not let me explain. George Castanza was a character on Seinfeld who loved to pack his wallet full of crap including receipts.

Oh Yes!! Those receipts come in handy! Might not feel good, but they get your ass some what clean. Don’t like that idea? Ok well, how much are you attached to your underwear? There soft! Tear em off, and wipe! That easy. Than toss em away. Or if your a cheap son of a bitch,  just put them in a plastic bag and hand them to the old lady when you get home. She’ll love that!

You can always scream for some toilet paper. Someone might hear you………………….LMFAO!!

I have one more tip for you. You see that empty roll?! It’s made up of cardboard. Cardboard is made up of layers of paper, pressed together.  If you don’t want hard cardboard on your ass, than Macgyver the fuck out of that empty roll. Peel those layers apart and Charmaine that shit!! Voila!!

I think that fucking smell is the worst part of a Johnny though!

You know when they finally get cleaned! After a week of hundreds of shits and pisses left in the bowl. HOLY FUCK!! You can be a mile away and it still slaps you in the face!! Especially when it all finally gets stirred up and mixed together after fermenting for a week.

I swear I would rather shit my pants than go in that potty the day before cleaning. Really hot days make it even more ripe!!I like to fast a day or 2 before cleaning! Keeps me away from that rank, sewage aroma.

Does anyone know how much these guys get paid?!! I had to google that shit to find out they only make about $47,000 a year. That’s a good income, but would you do it? NO THANKS! I guess there can always be worst jobs………..

I’m done for today. Stay safe Fuckers!!

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Are you one of those guys that checks the fucking weather everyday? I am! I work outside, so I like to see what I’m in store for. I wanna know how fucked up my day can really get!

Lets start with rain! It’s really simple if it’s pissing out when you get up in the morning and it’s suppose to come down for the rest of the day. You just stay the fuck in bed! Why bother going in to work when you know there going to send you home. I know, you just want to go in for those 2 hours, that they pay you for doing fuck all. I get it , but not worth my time and gas.

Some company’s don’t pay you shit and just give you the option “work or go home”. No one should ever have to work in the rain, but there’s always an exception in some cases. You know, those fucking days where the boss should have cancelled the concrete when there calling for 80% chance of rain. Nope!! That summana bitch thought he was the weather man for that day. “Oh no, it’s not gonna rain today”! Fucking cocksucker! Love it when your in the middle of a concrete pour, and the beer clouds come in and the sky opens up. Your stuck, MOTHER FUCKER!! You need to finish that shit before you go anywhere! PULL OUT THE TARPS!

Rain can sometimes ruin your day even when it doesn’t rain. Yes, that’s correct for you none construction workers. You know what I’m talking about guys. Those mornings you get up and check the weather and it’s calling for 100% chance of showers, but you still have to go in, because it’s not raining. 100% for 8am!! Fucking right! “I have so much shit I can do today”! You start planning your day all the way in to work. Fucking right, I can go see the Doctor or Dentist I haven’t seen in years. Start on some painting around the house, pick up the kids from school, do some groceries, start drinking beer earlier, get caught up on some porn. So much to do, right? You might even get paid for a couple hours for doing shit. 9am roles along…….”WHERE THE FUCK IS THE RAIN” !!? You start getting pissed cause you had so much to do around the house that day. 10 o’clock still nothing! 11′ o’clock comes and you say “maybe I’ll get the afternoon to do some shit”. Sorry mother fucker!! Rain never comes til you jump in your car to go home……….. THE WEATHER MAN FUCKED YOU!! Enjoy the drive home asshole!

Here’s a little difference between a rain day and a snow day. On a rain day, whether you stay home or get sent home. There’s no one else in the house. You enjoy a little peace and quiet. On a snow day…….. EVERYBODY’S HOME! Good luck masturbating with a full house, monkey spanker!

Snow days just suck balls in every aspect! Well, maybe not for the kids! They love every minute of that shit! We did to when we didn’t have to work for a living.

If it’s bad first thing in the morning of a snow day, I don’t even leave the house. I’m not risking my life for anyone or any amount of money. If you do go, you know your gonna be at least an hour or 2 late. FUCK THAT!!

If you do make it in and actually work………..well at least your not getting as wet as you would in the rain, but your gonna be a miserable donkey dick.

I love it when the boss calls and asks “why aren’t you in” and you live an hour and a half away. “Listen up mother fucker”!! “You seem like a smart man with your white hat and all”. So you ask him “is it snowing there”? His reply, “yes”. Well I say “it’s snowing pretty bad here”……………….his response…………………”so your not coming”? Fucking right I’m cumin!! Maybe in the wife, maybe in some tissue, maybe a hand towel, or maybe even in a dirty sock, but no I’m not coming into work, you dumb fuck!!

To be honest I fucking hate the cold and snow! If I can avoid working in it, I’m all over that shit. Like really! Who the fuck enjoys working all day in the cold, wet snow and than top it off with a 5 hour drive home doin 2km an hour?!! Sign me the fuck up! Don’t forget you have about 40 lbs of work clothes on to! Fuckin love it! Just kick me in the nuts!

Today’s post was actually inspired by the worst work day of the year. You pour bastards!! I feel your pain, but not today. I’m in my warm bed writing for your pleasure lol.

Seriously though, for the guys that went in today. Dress warm and be extra safe assholes!!

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“THIS IS MY POUCH, THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT BUT THIS ONE IS MINE. MY POUCH IS MY BEST FRIEND. IT IS MY LIFE. I MUST MASTER IT AS I MASTER MY LIFE. WITHOUT ME IT IS USELESS, WITHOUT MY POUCH I AM USELESS.”

A little Full Metal Jacket quote to start your day!

You probably wondering what’s there to say about our tool pouch. Lots mother fucker!! That put’s food on the table and a roof over your head. We build houses, bridges and buildings! It is the most sacred thing on the job site. You don’t touch someone else’s pouch! You don’t take tools out of someone else’s pouch!

How many times you drop your pouch to go do something else and come back to this?

“WHERE ARE MY FUCKING TOOLS”? That’s right! An empty fucking pouch. Sometimes you will get an asshole who just likes to have some fun, and hides them on you, just so they can watch you lose your shit. Some guys really do lose there shit though. It’s so fun watching a grown man throw a temper tantrum! Than there’s those days where it gets picked by all those cheese dicks. Either someone is missing there pencil and they help themselves to yours. Or there short nails and don’t feel like walking to the C-can. Some guys don’t have a set of pliers or a measuring tape. Yep, it’s like you were gang banged and your clothes are scattered all over the site. FUCKING HORSE SHIT!!

I guess there really wasn’t much to say about “my pouch”………….whatever, go fuck yourself!

Stay safe mother fuckers!

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No I’m not talking about the fucking weather. I thought I would switch it up today, and talk a bit about being a dad. It’s exciting isn’t it?!! Fucking unbearable is what it is sometimes!

Ever walk in the house and it looks like the picture above after a long day at work? Ok maybe not that bad but how bout like this?

Well maybe not that bad either, but close enough. Usually in my house the mess from last nights dinner is left behind and the wife or I will tackle it after we get home from work the next day. Most of the time, after I clean up, I will normally have a shower and come back to a fucking disaster again. Every kid wants a snack! WHAT THE FUCK!! How does a simple peanut butter and fucking jelly sandwich turn into, what looks like a suicide bomber exploded in my kitchen. Seriously!! How does jam get on the walls?!

Some days I think the kids deserve a good old fashion beat down! Jesus Christ, how many times do you have to repeat yourself, before it sinks in? I know I remembered to put that knife covered in peanut butter and jam in the sink when I was done or I was getting a wooden spoon over the head. I remembered to put those caps back on the jars and back in the cupboard or I was getting a broom across the ass. You didn’t dare to forget to close the bag of bread so it didn’t get stale or that was the belt where ever it landed.

Ever watch your kid drop something? I’m not talking about an Ipad or there phone cause they will actually pick that shit back up. I mean a napkin or utensil. HOLY FUCK!! This is where I want to club them over the head with a frying pan. It’s a fucking daily thing where I’m constantly pickin shit off the ground.  Just yesterday, ice cream was spilt on the floor and I said “good one”……we laughed. 10 minutes later I wasn’t laughing anymore, cause the ice cream was still there. I yelled and it was cleaned. I don’t want to yell anymore. Isn’t it everyone’s natural reaction to clean up immediately after spilling something? Anyone want to buy a kid?

How bout them shoes, socks and underwear on the stairs?! Empty fucking hamper, empty shoe rack, empty dressers and empty closets……………………….WHY? Because shoes and clothes don’t make it to there actual destination in this house. THERE ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!

This is my favourite one…………………you ready for this? USING THE WALLS AS A MOTHER FUCKING TISSUE!!

Nothing like watching your kid knuckle deep trying to pull out that gem and displaying it on the wall like he created a Picaso or something. These are some real proud moments for us parents.

Don’t worry I have lots of great parenting moments to write about. Just not happening today!

Stay safe fuckers!

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Sometimes there’s only one way to get ahead in life when all else fails. That’s right! Chew that corn off your bosses asshole.

It’s usually the younger guys who strive for that white hat. “Yeah I’m gonna be foreman and do fuck all, and get paid more than all you mother fuckers”! Yep, that’s the same guy who tries to get everyone’s attention in morning meeting by yelling out ” listen up guys boss has to say a few words”. Same guy who takes the bosses truck to run errands for him, but not before his mouth is used as a cum dumpster. Same guy who sits in his office polishing his shoes while the boss eats his lunch.

Who’s operating the bobcat?  Stupid fucking question! If there’s shit on his nose we know who it is!

Nothing wrong with trying to move up in life. We all want to be the best at something. I’m good with not licking ass……. well not the bosses ass if you know what I mean lol. The only ladder I’m climbing is the one on the wall. We need to be careful though with these guys. They will do anything to move up including selling you out. Most of us know wrong from right, but sometimes we want to do the wrong thing. IT’S FUN! Just don’t let that little ass licker catch you doing it. Nothing worse than getting ratted on by your co-worker. He’s waiting for anyone to screw up! Eliminating the competition is what he’s good at, so be careful.

Unfortunately that’s all I got. How much can we really say about the teachers pet? Not much because there going to be our boss someday. We live with it and hope he’s not as much of a dick as the other guy.

Catch you later assholes, and stay safe!!

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Look at that thing!! So fuckin Shiny, and clean. Never gets dirty, does it? Yes the white hat, dumb ass! What did you think I was talking about, my knob?!!

How’s it going Fucktards? Glad your back! Today I will be talking about all those dumb fucks wearing those special white hats. Just in case my title and picture didn’t give it away.

“Work hard boys white hat is coming” We all hear it just so were not caught screwin the pooch. Keeps us on our toes. Yep he walks tall and mean looking for something to criticise. “Your not working hard enough”, “your working to slow”, “Where are your safety glasses”, “That’s not how you do it”, “do it like this”, “you don’t know how to do fuck all”, “here let me do it stupid” .  FUCKING DICK!! Seriously, isn’t there some time sheets that need to be filled out? Nothing I can’t stand more than a boss hovering over me and commenting on every fucking thing I do.

At some point in time, in your construction career.  You will find the right Foreman and Super who you will feel comfortable with, and who will have complete confidence in you, and leave you the fuck alone. You just have to jump ship! It’s that easy! Move on to another company or crew. Until than, you have to tough it out, while these bored mother fuckers got nothing better to do than to make your life a fucking hell. But it’s not just the Foreman and your Super you have to worry about. White hats come in all shapes and sizes. You have your owners, engineers, saftey reps, and the Ministry. Just to mention a few, who like to pop up every once and a while. It’s fucking scary when a new face with a white hard hat comes on site. Stressful as fuck!! Got to make sure were doing everything right at all times or they could shut us down, send us home or give us a spanking. Who the fuck knows!! We just know we get nervous with new “White hats” hanging around. Like I said, there not all bad, but majority are, and we just have to take it. Why? Because we make $20, $30, $40 or even $50 an hour. We have laws that are suppose to protect us from bully’s, but c’mon. You rat your foreman out to your super. Your getting laid off! You rat both your foreman and super to your union rep. Your going home even sooner.

The old school workers just take it up the ass! There just terrified of losing there jobs. They just keep there mouth’s shut and do as there told. There just holding on for that retirement and pension. Those old fucks must have some leathery skin and strong backs though, to take so much abuse over the years. Deep respect for them, but there still miserable old bastards.

Ever have a boss that barely speaks English? Now there’s a kick in the nuts!! Not only is he an asshole. He’s an asshole in a different mother fucking language. How do you even deal with that?!! It’s like getting a Paki on the phone at customer service. You don’t know what the fuck there saying. I get tired of saying “what, excuse me, sorry I didn’t understand” I just say “FUCK IT”! I’m going home! My kids don’t need to eat this week! I love it when they give you instructions and they fuck that up. You followed exactly what they told you, but because they don’t know the difference between “in front” and “Behind” or “up or down” . Things get lost in translation and your in deep shit cause you didn’t read his mind. I’M OUT!!

I have taken a lot of bullshit over the years and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m happy where I am now, but I’ve had to deal with a lot of knob gobblers. I have to much respect for myself to get on my knees and do a little dick sucking. NO THANKS!! I leave that up to the ass licker! You know, the brown noser, teachers pet. I’ll talk more about that on my next post.

I don’t want to sit here and cut up “The white hat” all day. Because there not all bad and they have worked hard to get where they are and some will actually get there hats dirty. Just stay the fuck away from the ones with a strap on in there office.

YOU on the other hand…………….. You get your ass up at 4 or 5 am, start at 6 or 7 am. Bust your fucking ass for 8 to 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 whatever the fucking hours you work, because your a damn hard worker and you will take all the hours they give you and you love money. I’ve put in a 21 hr day before (Ya I’m an idiot), but a lot of us have done it. We work in the hot sun, cold snowy weather, sometimes even in the rain, we work in residential, roads, bridges, high rise or tunnels to name a few. We lift, carry, push, pull and walk for miles. Sometimes even fucking run! We do so much in a day that most people don’t even do in a week. We get paid well to do all this shit! What we don’t get paid to do is take all the bullshit from your boss. Have some respect for yourself! Don’t let one man make you feel worthless. You do to much for these unappreciated pricks. Tell him how you feel! If he don’t like that, pop em in the nose and I’m sure he’ll like that less as your driving off home and he’s left without a carpenter.

Don’t forget how dangerous your job is!

I’m done for today!! Stay safe fuckers!!

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Where the fuck is Chris?!! We have all asked this question. If it’s not Chris, there’s always someone on the crew, you can’t find cause he’s to busy fucking playing with himself. The one who’s in the porto potty 100 fucking times a day. The one who’s always walking around with nothing in his god damn hands but his dick, looking at the fucking birds. The one who is chatting with a pedestrian about the fucking weather. The one who wont shut the fuck up when your trying to get your shit done. The one who feels the need to play a fucking prank at the worst moment! The one who never has his own fucking tools. You get the point “The Dog Fucker”! It’s always when you need that fucker the most. He’s usually coming around the corner with a smile on his face when you been waiting for him for 20 god damn minutes. You just want to grab a shovel and shove it up his ass sideways sometimes!!

“Hey Chris go get me the Skill saw”? This is when he huffs and says “why do I always have to go”? ” Cause your my bitch now go get me the fucking saw”. So he goes, and stops and chats with all the guys on the crew, plus all the sub contractors on site as he makes his way to the saw………….. wait, he needs to wrap his conversations up on his way back. This time you wanna crack him on the head with a sledge hammer. Sometimes we just sit back and watch these lazy fucks and wonder how they tied there shoes that morning or how they even found there way to work. We don’t say anything to the bosses so we don’t feel responsible for a guy losing his job, but sometimes you have to say “FUCK IT”. Sometimes these guys drag us down and effect our performance. These are the guys we don’t want to work with cause they could jeopardise our reputation as a good solid work horse and lead you to an early layoff.

I fucking hate it when I know I could have done something in the fraction of the time, but instead it took fucking forever  cause the boss thought he would stick me with Chris for the day…..PRICK!! In construction your always trying to make lemonade without the lemons….Your not making anything with Chris!! Just puppies!

Everyone knows what happens to Chris when work slows down. We know its coming! Layoff in September! Maybe even August. “Don’t worry Chris we will call you next year when work picks up”. Lmfao no they wont!! They never do.

These pour lazy fucks wait around til June wondering when there getting called back til they finally clue in and get another fucking job. Sorry Chris, you were a nice guy, but you sucked as a worker!! Can you say “would you like to add fries to that order”?

Catch you on my next post Fuckers!! Stay safe!

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Jesus Christ, is it that time of year again?!! I haven’t saved a fucking dime!! Pardon my language, but if you haven’t read my “Welcome Assholes” page than get on it click here . If you would like to skip it, no problem. I am a construction worker so there’s going to be lots of swearing. So if your mormon or Jahova and your gonna be offended than get the fuck out!!

Anyway were almost at the end of the year and those layoff papers are coming soon! Shitting your pants yet men? Because Christmas is just around that whore of a corner, and if you have some birthdays before that whore, well….. your fucked!! Pray you have a little something saved back or maybe even your wife did without you knowing. Maybe you have a vacation pay you haven’t touched………..wait……NOPE!! Wife needed a new dining set recently. HOLY FUCK!! WHAT DO YOU DO?!! Here’s what I do. As soon as I get that ROE (Record of Employment  for you dumb fucks). I get my ass to that embarrassment line!! Sorry, the unemployment line. Lets face it though, it is an embarrassing line. You know everyone walking by, that’s not there for the same reason is saying ” Those pour mother fuckers”. This year I learned that if it was e-filed, you can do the report from home unless you don’t have a computer. Than you have to go to that fuckin embarrassing office again. HaHa!! I’m fucking with you!! If your gonna take me personally visit this site here.

So now your done filing for unemployment. YOUR UNEMPLOYED MOTHER FUCKER!! Join the fucking club!! Get comfy cause it could be 2 weeks, 2 month’s or even 4 to 5 month’s. If your waiting for a call longer than that you might wanna consider a different career you ain’t getting called back you lazy fuck (coming soon “The Dog Fucker”).

Anyway I know were used to a certain kind of income, but there’s a difference between not being able to feed your kids pour and not being able to take that next vacation pour. YOUR ON VACATION FUCKER!! Do the things you never had time to do when your putting in those 50 to 80hrs of work a week in that scorching heat or the blistering cold. GOD DAMN, it’s a lose lose for us! It’s our time! Enjoy it! Lets face it, we make anywhere between 50 to 100k a yr we should be able to live life well. Even when were off, but our problem is we over spend on bullshit. I’m guilty 100%. Work always dry’s up at some point in time. Save a little! If your kids are starving well good luck. Sell there Ipads or xbox cause its tough looking for construction work through winter month’s. I’ve been in tough situations in the past, but I’m still here. Don’t get me wrong I been sitting at home for a few weeks now and it’s tough when you can’t justify buying a chocolate bar at the dollar store.

Before I wrap this up I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read my first blog post. I hope it makes you laugh, smile or it’s even the best part of your day. If that’s the case you need to get laid mother fucker! I’m gonna leave you with “MY BENEFITS OF BEING LAID OFF AND HOME ALONE”.

1.) Singing – nothing like belting out and singing your favourite Justin Beiber jam or whatever the fuck you like. WHAT?!! You don’t like Beiber? To fucking bad, I do and I sing, and sing as load as I want. Don’t care if I’m bad. I’m home alone asshole.

2.) Playing an Instrument – NOT YOUR DICK!! We will get to that soon, but a real instrument like the guitar or piano maybe even the sax. I took up the acoustic and nothing soothes that diaper of a brain filled with shit like playing a little bit of music with your hands.

3.) Honey Do List – YES!! We all get this one. Things the wife wants us to do for them. Love when it’s renovations. FUCK ME!! Doesn’t sound like much of a benefit, but hey “Happy wife happy life” Nothing rhymes with happy husband. Benefit might be the blow job you get that night

4.) Video Games – I’m almost 40, but I’m still a kid at heart. Nothing wrong with playing a little bit of Call of Duty or the old classics like Super Mario. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I rather be a kid and happy than a miserable old fuck.

5.) Masturbating – FUCKING RIGHT!! I look foward to this shit sometimes. We all want that warm wet pussy or mouth, but lets face it with both you and your wife tired all the time with our everyday stresses and our bullshit job, sex is far from in between. But when your off work, she’s still tired……………but your not. Lets grab that favourite lube and throw on some lesbian porn or whatever the fuck you freaks are into and tare 1, 2 or even 3 off!! Who am I kidding I’m getting old I’m good with one.

That’s it for now brothers!! Catch you assholes on my next post! Stay Safe!

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